"I'M SEXY AN' I KNOW IT", my alarm blasts. I quickly flick it off. Ah, ten more minutes, I think as I surrender to the darkness once again, but as I do a faint odor reaches me.
"MEEP-MEEP-MEE...", my watch this time. Without thought, without a look, as I have done a thousand times before, I press the button to turn it off. Laying there I notice that odor, stronger this time and undeniably familiar. It now dawns on me that I don't hear the TV coming from the living room. My mind begins to race with the multitude of possible scenarios that await me outside my bedroom.
Still in haze from my slumber, I jump out of bed and move towards the hall. Freezing in the doorway realizing that the hallway is still shrouded in the grey of morning. "I better turn on the light", thinking to myself.
I turn on the light, and there, at the end of the hall is a brown...fist sized...Dairy Queen deposit looking back at me. Scanning the hall for further hazards I see a trail of right footed pooh prints in various locations up and down the hall. I kick into gear; this requires further investigation in order to determine the extent of the incursion and my potential CoAs to be taken. Carefully stepping over, around and between the landmines and skid marks my initial recce reveals no CBRN contaminants in the bathroom or beyond the pile at the end of the hall. Now to expand the search.
"Private", I call out, scanning the living room. "Private!"
Then, from behind me, a small voice replies, "I poot."
I trun, "Really", is my response, as he emerges from his bedroom still wearing his PJ bottoms, and it is obviously apparent that he is missing his diaper. Great!
I head back to his room and begin to enter but stop in my tracks at the sight of a second fist size deposit lying in the center of his room. Surveying the remainder of the room I spot the removed, pee filled diaper, about a half-a-dozen ground-into-the-carpet fecal foot prints, and his mattress..WTF..on his mattress! Even on the bloody rails of his bed. My mind reals, "the Horror, the Horror"*, at the realization of what had transpired.
He had removed his pee engorged diaper to relieve his discomfort but then shat himself in his PJ bottoms leaving droppings out his right pant leg as he sauntered about the hall.
Holding back my urge to hurl, I removed his PJs - no visual confirmation required - and straight to the washer. Then proceeded to decontaminate the scene, post-haste.
Mondays.....shit**
How was your morning?
*said like Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
**said like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now "Saigon...Shit"
